Greetings.
As I labor for the common good, the reduction in time available for napping remains foremost in my mind. This is a sacrifice I willingly make, in the knowledge that Patch residents share a concern for my well being.
As you know, cats must catch occasional mice as a matter of self-respect. While mice form the basic diet of the ordinary barn cat, we all know – forgive my boldness – that I am not ordinary. Mice carry a plebian flavor, which is why I often consume the carcasses only partially. For erudite cats like myself, the consumption of song birds remains an issue of status. If it is my lot in life to be an outside cat, then please consider attracting, housing, and feeding a greater population of birds at the Patch, as they are a food truly fitting my evolved tastes. The more colorful the better – bright blues and yellows are, in fact, my preferred diet.
Finally, I must emphasize my deep distress at the unexpected appearance of Petula the Pack Rat. While my duties include the sporadic consumption of mice, the remainder of the rodent kingdom falls far outside my purview. Petula was an immense specimen, a ferocious creature at least half my size. It took tremendous foresight on my part to avoid Petula entirely, to give no sign or indication of her presence. I trust that I remained within the bounds of my professional duties. I do appreciate your efforts to trap and relocate Petula, and am reassured by our joint agreement that maintaining the Patch as a Petula-free zone is your responsibility as Feeder.
I must say, even the thought of Petula leaves me distressed. Do you have any colorful birds handy? I could very much use a pick-me-up at the moment.
In great weariness, your servant,
Henry
Comments