Henry the Triumphant
- Jennifer Hill
- Mar 27
- 2 min read
Greetings.
The lives of most dedicated public servants such as myself can be lacking in tangible accomplishment. Thus, it is with great satisfaction that I am writing to report that Marge has surrendered to my overtures. She and I are now engaged in amicable negotiations regarding her Patch status.
My challenge lies in enhancing Marge’s teachability and expanding her pseudo-understanding of the mental, emotional, and relational lives of other Patch residents. She spends an inordinate amount of time investigating my rear end and I’ve been unsuccessful in convincing her of the futility of gaining additional information from such close and repeated perusal.
I share a snippet of dialogue to communicate the flavor of our interactions…
Marge [inhaling deeply]: “Who are you? And what did you eat? Are you aware of your significant risk of tapeworms?”
Henry [attempting to maintain composure]: “Nice to meet you…yet again. I am Henry, Director of the Patch Translation Project and Head Barn Cat.”
Marge [still inhaling]: “I know you, Henry. Do you have issues with short-term memory? We’ve met a number of times. You should know that canine politeness requires that I re-introduce myself and perform adaptive sniffing multiple times each day. But you smell a bit different. Have you been eating cheese or butter inside the Feeder’s dwelling? You reek of dairy.”
Henry [while demonstrating the equally complex feline ritual of rubbing with arched back]:
“Perhaps. Just a bit of Jarlsberg. It always has the most flavor when ingested surreptitiously.”
While I remain in the dark about Marge’s purpose at the Patch (and she has one, correct?), I find great satisfaction in doing my part to render her somewhat less obtuse and perhaps just slightly more amenable to cross-species conversation.
In humble triumph,
Henry
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