Henry the Hopeful

Greetings.

I write to confirm the substance of a conversation I overheard between you and that other Feeder (the one who NEVER fills my food bowl) whereupon I clearly understood you to say that you would be obtaining an additional barn cat in the near future.

My first reaction is, of course, jubilation, as I have long requested assistance with the growing mouse population. However, I must relay my hurt and dismay regarding the off-hand manner of your announcement. As farmstead owner and resident Feeder, you are well versed in the notification process for new hires per feline protocol, a time-honored tradition that requires the following actions in sequential order:

• First, approach the overburdened resident cat directly, and engage in a lengthy session of jaw rubbing and tail scratching.

• Then, recount in detail a litany of the cat’s hunting successes. This should be followed by an equally lengthy description of your gratitude to said cat for their faithful service.

• At this point, you might raise the issue of an assistant cat, making clear that the decision is really up to the resident cat, and that you would need their consent to proceed. You should mention that the resident cat will be elevated to the position of “Supreme Barn Cat,” and that the new hire will fill the position of “Lowly and Inexperienced On-a-Trial-Basis Barn Cat.” You should also make it clear that the Supreme Barn Cat will receive more cat food and an occasional colorful songbird to devour.

• Only then, with the resident cat’s full approval, might you begin your search for an assistant barn cat.

I am hopeful that you will initiate the above-detailed process with all due haste, and that a sanctioned assistant might be brought to the Patch as soon as is possible.

Your servant,

Henry