Henry the Heroic
- Jennifer Hill
- Apr 10
- 2 min read
Greetings.
I write in a state of agitation. Let me remind you that my responsibilities as Patch Barn Cat remain far more extensive than one feline can reasonably perform, and I am ever more profoundly in a state of being overworked and sleep deprived. My continual requests for assistance appear to be falling on deaf ears and I must take actions to preserve my own delicate health and well being.
Consider this missive as official written notice that I am amending the Patch Rodent Extermination Plan, hereafter retitled the Patch Partial Extermination Plan for Common Mice. Be advised that full extermination is not the goal of this farm cat, as a total absence of mice would only expand my vulnerability to the whims of fickle Feeders.
My suffering continues, as the level of my feed bowl has not yet been restored. Thus, I conclude that the unfortunate rationing regime is still in place. For your information, I have been supplementing my grotesquely limited calories by regularly ingesting Marge’s food, as well as sampling the chicken broth and raw eggs she occasionally receives. Thus, my current caloric intake has increased dramatically, as have your feeding costs. Might it not be a more efficient use of resources to return me to the previous free-feeding routine?
Despite deplorable treatment, I continue to serve the Patch and its residents, albeit with somewhat wounded pride. Do be aware that I am considering other career options and will gladly accept a position for Resident Farm Cat at a different location if reasonable offers are made. Recent developments have made me acutely aware of the necessity of considering my own needs first.
Even with my change in circumstances, I continue to deliver feline services of the highest order and remain proud of the work I perform, even though much of it occurs under less-than-optimal conditions.
In frustration,
Henry
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