Henry the Enforcer

Greetings to you and yours in these halcyon days.

I’ve been luxuriating in the spring warmth and testing out a selection of additional sleeping locations. I anticipate the arrival of migratory songbirds any day now, and you know what that means.

Despite pleasant weather and comfortable spaces of repose, I must bring a noncompliance issue to your attention. At the Patch, we all have roles to play. While the contributions of Marge the Mammoth Dog and Brigid the Darting Dog remain unclear, all other Patch residents perform significant and productive labor. For example, the pigs provide an aura of contentment and satisfaction as they gain weight and eventually fill the freezer with cuts of pork. The chickens lay eggs for your morning omelet, and geese, at least hypothetically, produce goslings. I am responsible for an inordinately long list of essential tasks, from catching the occasional mouse to legitimizing the Patch, through the visibility of my lounging presence, as a functional farmstead.

There is one critical missing link. It has now been 48 hours since my feed bowl was last refilled. Feeders, while their duties are limited and rather insignificant by comparison to other Patch residents, have a singular task – to FEED. And learned cats of esteem take note when Feeders are not performing at a baseline level of competence.

Please consider longstanding Patch policy, as well as your raison d’être, and make haste to perform those tasks designated specifically to you in what I hope is the very near future.

In sincerity and with great hunger,

Henry