Henry the Philosopher
- Jennifer Hill
- Feb 27
- 2 min read
Greetings.
Henry here, as usual.
I’ve come upon a most delightful synchronicity. Did you know that pigs spend nearly as much time as cats in the pursuit of pleasure? While cats focus on the joys of sleeping, Pudge has informed me that pigs devote a similar effort to eating.
Pigs have a copious repertoire of smacking noises related to food. In fact, these food-related words are the first that piglets learn. You might have noticed that piglets initially make no sounds at all when nursing, but within the first 48 hours of life they begin vocalizing, even when lined up at the teats. Their initial humming grunts can be translated as a generalized “yum,” and are soon followed by the “eh, eh, eh” grunt that signifies great pleasure in the anticipation of food. This sound is used only for imminent food, as food that the Feeder might provide, or food that the Feeder is tardy in providing generates more strident food-related communications.
According to Pudge, food that is demanded, visible, and/or expected but not yet arrived or available for consumption is truly insulting to pigs. For example, on mornings when the Feeder does not deliver the food swiftly enough, you will hear Wilma bellowing from the hay shed. As she amplifies her volume, you’ll notice that she also throws her body against the hay shed door, rattling its hinges and causing a concussive boom to punctuate her screams. A passerby might be disturbed by this melee, but Wilma is simply protesting Feeder actions that are a clear affront to pig protocol.
Given the intricacies of porcine communication, the common Feeder belief that humans are the only life forms capable of complex thought appears particularly obtuse. On behalf of the animal and plant kingdoms, I beseech you and all those of your species to remedy your intellectual shortcomings.
I remain hopeful that Feeders might at some point attain just a portion of animal intelligence,
Henry
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