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Henry the Self-Satisfied (4)


Greetings.

 

I write in haste. A deputized cadre of chickens has initiated contact with me, asking that a message be delivered. I speak only rudimentary fowl and beg your patience with this missive.

 

“Flap, flap. Flap, flap, flap.”

[An as-yet-undecipherable chicken greeting accompanied by repeated horizontal neck thrusts and disturbing wing motions.]

“Eggs.”

[It is possible that chickens utilize only nouns. Or verbs. But never complex sentences, at least in my participant-observer data collection to date.]

“No eggs.”


[In the interest of full disclosure and future linguistic advances, please note that I am interpreting the bwack-BWACK series of vocalizations as related to eggs and egg laying. While this particular exclamation precedes all laying behavior, it can at times be confused with a common expletive, uttered with force by individual chickens when a Feeder is in pursuit.]

“Eggs. Eggs. Eggs.”

 

I trust that you comprehend the import of this message, as I am not privy to ongoing chicken policies and procedures, nor am I aware of any ways in which you, as Feeder, might have offended. At any rate, my transcription of the chickens’ message provided at least some small measure of comfort to the resident flock.

 

I can now, with justifiable pride, note my newest linguistic foray and relay my successes in the Patch Translation Project. I humbly accept your gratitude for spearheading this critical effort. While you did not see the need of the project initially – and in fact dissuaded my initial efforts – I am sure that you are now well aware of the myriad benefits accruing to all residents of the Patch, benefits which are the direct result of my expertise.

 

Rest assured, there is no need of public acclaim or compensatory gestures, as satisfaction in a job well done is reward enough. It is never appropriate to gloat, but I will take my due thanks, pleased in my services rendered to the Patch public.

 

Your dutiful servant,

 

Henry



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