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Henry the Horrified


Greetings.

 

Please recall my earlier missive, Henry the Overworked, in which I detailed the mental agony I suffered from the presence of Petula the Pack Rat. At present, Bruce, yet another pack rat, has taken up residence at the Patch and I am similarly distressed.

 

Rodents have long been recognized vectors of disease, and Bruce’s mere presence is an affront to the general cleanliness and order of the Patch. His casual scattering of droppings, his arrogant consumption of edible items, the spread of his pack rat stench – it is all intolerable and calls for immediate action.

 

Let me reiterate that my rodent control duties extend only to the average mouse, and that any additional rodent species are entirely the responsibility of the Feeder. I maintain an exemplary barn cat physique, but just as was the case with Petula, dealing with a specimen the size of Bruce would do violence to my system. The exertion necessary for routine mouse patrol fully occupies my time, and there should be no expectation that I will respond in any way should Bruce cross my field of vision while I am gainfully napping.

 

As a unionized worker (see Henry the Huffy), I have a right to a welcoming place of employment. I assume that you will capture and relocate Bruce with all due haste. His mere presence, especially on the heels of my brief and unsavory introduction to Petula, leaves me with lingering concerns about the safety of the Patch environs into the future. This oppressive worry about future pack rat encounters has even disturbed my deepest sleep – the Head Hen said she observed me twitching and murmuring as I slumbered, “No, you must run. I am a cat. Do not approach!”

 

In theory, I support the Patch policy of pack rat relocation, but would advise an exception that includes immediate and violent pack rat death in this situation. Peace and kindness are laudatory goals the must be set aside in moments of great danger.

 

With hope for swift and decisive extermination,

 

Henry

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